Of all the characters you do, “guy with a sexy
foreign accent who is also a pervert” will always
be one of my favorites. I moved into a smaller
apartment to increase my chances of bumping
into Kathy Ireland as she exits a shower. I make
my turns wide and gradual, my friend. Remember
in school when we joined the cross-country team
and in the middle of the first practice ran into
Jeff’s basement to eat cookies and play video
games? I saw him recently and he looked like
he’d been stung in the face by a huge bee. Then
again, you might not know you need something
special until you find something special, right?
How is Hidden Valley Hills? I hear they give
great massages. Yesterday I got thrown hard into
a big W and I think I broke my arm. There was a
giant metal bird full of people flying over me
when it happened.

Jason Bredle is the author of three books and three chapbooks, most recently Smiles of the Unstoppable and The Book of Evil. He lives in Chicago. This poem was first published in Phoebe 40.2.