and I want to be hot. I want

to be hot in a girl way and a boy way.

A bot way. A seventeen-year-old way

and like my mom. So hot

that the wheels fall off—I’m out

of control! So hot I scare

the boys with my certain special

wink. Hot like an angry spit

take straight to the chest.

I want

to be hot

in a sneaky way, a decisive way, 

hot enough to trust

that they talk about me even

when I’m not there.

I want to be

hot

in this world and the almost one—

bouncing, dream-like,

pixie-cut, peach White Claw,

fun house Lucinda,

uncomplicated, undeniable,

classic, conventional, cool

hot. Nightlight in the dark hot,

nightshade turning purple hot.

Fear not my loneliness hot—

happy and forgotten hot

at the center of the earth.